culture.
we are all the same. we all have two eyes, two lungs, one heart. yet while we may have obvious physical differences in terms of skin colour or penis size/length, our greatest difference is something unseen: culture.
ever heard of a stare fight in a vietnamse club?
and if you thought singaporeans are a unapproachable lot, with obvious issues, you have have to meet hong kongers. their taxi drivers are x10 worse than our comfort cabbies. goodness.
amidst this, a familiar face makes life better. (:
autophobia.
i realize ive got autophobia. maybe its me. wait, it IS me. i fear being alone. i fear being invisible. and this fear, this fear has caused me to lose all the most precious things in my life, the people i hold so dear, they have... fear has manifested into physical pain. i gotta do something to curb this slide. and what better way than to go it cold turkey. short of doing a solitary confinement, im going away. 2 weeks, 5919 km by foot and motor. one backpack, one laptop, some cash, and my shoes (which ive yet to buy cuz some ahtiong koped my damn cui newbalance)
oh, and by the way, this is not a suicide note, its a farewell. wait. no. its just to say that im going on a trip. so if i don't pick up calls, or don't attend training, it's cuz im not in singapore!
have got no clue where i am going. have got no clue when ill be back. (read: maybe new year's eve, maybe never) but one thing is for sure, im not returning until ive found myself once again; the boy who is random, and fun, not so emo and summed up on my FRIENDSTER 'about me' as being awesome inside and outside, the one your boyfriend is afraid of. the honest, the sometimes serious, all the time chivalrous, the confident all-round nice guy. not some poser hiding behind the veneer.
and when i find this boy, i have to convince him he is me, deep down inside. and i'll only be back when i find this boy. when im a different person.
the planetary alignments are skewed. it is in the stars. the world is coming to an end.
ps, on all the bus rides and while waiting to transit, i'm gonna try to write down all that has happened to me. nah, not gonna publish it. yet.
there are many people in this world i look up to, there are many i respect. not all of them are famous figures. i'm not talking about martin luther king or ghandi or even the prophet. these three people are friends of mine. these three of them, i MAY meet along the way. you know who you are. and this is a tribute to all of you.
all of you hold characteristics that i envy. ideals that i strive for. you three are friends who i honestly and sincerely hope to never lose.
one is not afraid of what others see. he lives for himself, does new things, pushes the limits. he is a champion. a true athlete. and most importantly, he is more of a brother than anyone else can be. he speaks his mind, often is hated by others for being a deviant. but my question to the great wide world, do you conform to the norms just so you can fit in? don't you have your own principles and mores that you hold on strongly to? those who matter won't care and those who care don't matter.
he has thought me one very important life lesson; how much effort do you put into a friendship? are you superficial, do you even know your friend's chinese name? how close are you to a person to truly be worthy of calling him a brother, or her, a buddy?
the second person, he is a legend. he has thought me that you only live once. if you don't live life to the fullest, you will live it to regret all the chances that you have lost. when you are young, that's when you have the best opportunity to learn new things, a new instrument, a new language, new skills. how bout juggling, or unicycling? people's perceptions should not prevent you from being who you are. embrace yourself. like yourself.
and the final person, probably the most dearest - a very close friend. someone who is stronger than anyone else i know (but at the same time perhaps one of the smallest physically). patient, very patient. well loved by friends, admired by random people. warm, and always there for people despite whatever may be going on in your heart and mind. i owe you a lot.
maybe i am selfish to want to leech off your personality, admitting along the way that i don't have a backbone of my own.
well, i hope our paths cross, and see you all when/if i see you.
