tell me everything in your mind... I have a few seconds to waste.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Different Ways To Say ''You're Stupid''
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The lights are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.
Friday, October 28, 2005
imagine a pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick the pancake up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter are like flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, a dirty fingernail, and of course millions of squirming, pulsing bacteria. as]lso: the pancake now smells like bellybutton, so you puke. but your stomach is empty so you dry heave, and now the pancake is covered in your early morning bile. anyway, you're so hungry so you eat the pancake.
if that is not gross, i don't know what is.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
u noe all e times ive been endlessly ranting tt ive been abducted by aliens n stuff, well, its relli happened. no, i wasnt abducted by aliens recently. rather, ive got new proof tt i HAD been abducted before. lemme explain.
firstly, ive been literally spending my free time in a gym. no i wasnt there 2 look at e chicks... i was actually bench pressing, doin lat pulldowns n e works. add tt to e 2-3 clicks i run everyday ah. ahaha. dunno where i got e motivation frm bt all i can say is im nt complaining. haha. e contrary is true. i mean, i went for a medical recently, guess wat? ive got 1% body fat in my legs n arms. haha. but e same cant b said of my torso. speaking of torso, for e 1st time in my career as a human being, i can see a semblance of an inverted triangle shape. ok its not a semblance. my chest is 39" (bigger den any girl i noe) n my waist is 28" (smaller den some girls i noe). oh, n i see my 8 pack! haha. im not kidding. or mabbe its juz coz im fasting? ahh, i dunno. well, i mean, my 400 crunches, 200 reverse crunches, round house kicks muz b working. ahaha.
n u noe wats e best part? i actually feel very muvh alive. yea. no longer tired... im like up and about almost 24hrs. i dun need sleep during night shift n im way sure ive worn every of my friends out. i can make 3 appointments a day.
bt e tiny downside being tt im kinda jumpy n restless... so dont call me out for a movie... mabbe a soccer match ah. can. haha.
oh, i can do 20 chin ups n 10 one handed pushups. nahh, i kid u not. haha. whee. im a new me! i love exercising. u should too.