im sorry. i really am. but, why are you so afraid? dont worry. i wish i can be there to tell you everything will be just fine. it will be. but, it seems that im the wrong person to tell you that right now. its scary how two people can have different perceptions of things. and, i can only standby what ive been telling myself time and time again. we really need to talk. really. i wont bite. its regretable that my persistance has caused so much problems in your life. but im torn between letting you go and letting you be happy and in the process, making myself be miserable or getting what i want and making you feel trapped in a cage. and somehow, the thin line i thread inbetween is just not enough.people say its neither of our faults. its just the way things are. as long as you dont communicate, its gonna get worse, wich each of you doing what you deem right for the other. i know you know what you are doing. and i know you know what you want. but. all im asking of you is to realize that i am still the same person deep down inside. for all the drama and for all that has been done, its my reflex, fighting back because from where i am, it feels like you hate me very bad. and that is what that hurts. you have your own reasons to do what you did. but can you blame me for misinterpreting? like you wipe the memories off so that it will be easier for you to cope. at the same time, i see it as if you are telling me something. it comes across as if i did something wrong and you are punishing me slowly. peeling off my soul bit by bit. and its only with great control of myself do i see the things the way they are supposed to be.i really hope you are reading this. i really do. there are many things i need to say. and i honestly believe it will clear everything and yes, we both can be happy again. but right now. i cant hide the pain as well as you. i thought i could, i always used to. but this time round, the hurt of losing you. no, the hurt of knowing that my actions made you do the things you did, its killing me. and it sucks that i see you everywhere i go. no, i am not stalking you. as much as im still in love with you, i respect you. perhaps my actions dont show it. but i really do. and sometimes, you need to do drastic things to show that. and in my position right now, what else can i do but follow your lead and wipe away all the evidence. i dont know when this game is going to end. but all i know is that you are a very special person. abd it hurts to see you this way. the first time i laid my eyes on you, i swore i wld nvr let anyone hurt you. and look, thats exactly what im doing right now. funny isnt it? ah, dont worry. no one bothers reading my blog anyway. im not as popular as you. friends? what friends? the day you left me, i realized who were my true friends and who were there just for the fun of it, to bask in our happiness and company. in anycase, this month has been terrible for me to. you aside, ive had family and well, problems everywhere, even on the water. but im not blaming you. i am strong. i will survive.sometimes, id look out of the window, see the moon and find myself hoping and praying. that all the way up there, in your own window, you too would be thinking bout me. not the things that have happened but of the good memories. of the past. see, thats the only reason i cant move on. because from where i am right now, the future is bleak. a winding, dark and lonely road meandering endlessly with a couple of lamps by the side to give light, give hope, only to take it all away with another bend and slope.there is nothing else i can say actually. i dont have energy. doesnt mean im going to give up. your friendship means more to me than anything else.and having read our past conversations over msn, i realized, the answers were there all along. SPACE. "if i dont like someone/ something he/she does i would prefer if the person leave me alone let time fades everything else and (: i will be alright again"i really hope that is true. because until that day comes, my days will be like nights and my nights will be long and gloomy... my sweet torment, where art thou?