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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

lame

3/29/2006 01:14:00 am

complainant: hi officer, id like to make a report.

officer: yea sure, wats e matter?

complainant: um... i sorta lost something.

officer: sorta?.. sorta lost what?

complainant: err... my virginity.

officer (thinking to himself): tis a joke or tis idiot got sodomised?

... no... its no lame joke...i mean this conversation happened. it seriusly happened... haha. lame. i noe.

wth? lost my virginity? wat next?

aniways, ive always (atleast since last yr) wanted to lose something... yea. seriusly.

wanted to lose tis crap and nvr even bother to find it again... wat m i talkin bout?

... my fat gut.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

yo momma

3/25/2006 01:38:00 am

Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
Yo mama's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
Yo mama's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat, her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Yo mama's so fat, her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
... wait a minute, they actually found a car she could sit in?
Yo mama's so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of sausages.
Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away, they just followed the potholes on the road.
Yo mama's so fat, instead of Levis type 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo mama's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo mama's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo mama's so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got more Chins than a Chinese phone book!
Yo mama's so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo mama's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up!
Yo mama's so fat, she fell in love and she broke it.
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped on a scale and it said "to be continued".
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped on a scale and it said "one at a time please".
Yo mama's so fat, she's got her own area code.
Yo mama's so fat, her measurements are 36-24-36, and her other arm is just as big.
Yo mama's so fat, when God said let there be light, he told her to move her ass over.
Yo mama's so fat, the gyneacologist kept looking up the wrong hole.
Yo mama's so fat, your papa screwed up the wrong hole.
Yo mama's so fat, she didnt know she was pregnant- with triplets- until she went to the loo and thought she heard her poo crying.
Yo mama's so fat, your papa uses her as a waterbed.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses curtains for a skirt.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses two pails for a bra.
... and finally, ever wondered what killed off the dinosaurs?

lame

3/25/2006 01:34:00 am

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was having a wee and this bullet came out." replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. "Mom, I was having a wee and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay," says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out." And the boy says, "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

boring sia

3/25/2006 01:13:00 am

wats it like to be normal? i mean normal-normal. like having a super banal and boring existance. i dunno. but i guess its one heck of a boring life ah. imagine no one bothering 2 stop and talk to u or give u tt second glance... or u having e same routine day in day out... like ure stuck in groundhogs' day or smtin... or wait... wat does a normal day mean aniways... normal in whose context? the queen? wake up, get some poor slave 2 change her stinky circa 1550 a.d. clothes, shower her, wipe her a**, eat, relax at e veranda, watch horses, act important, sleep...

or how about a 'normal' student? wake up, call gf/bf, go skool, call gf/bf, go out with gf/bf, go home, call gf.bf, homework, call gf/bf, go to bed, dream of gf/bf?

or mine? den its more like work, gym, sleep, gym, work, sleep, party, sleep, gym, sleep. wahaha. no seriusly. haha. y m i tinking of tis aniways? i dunno. no seriusly. its a totally boring night at work again. and short of reading my men's health apr 06 issue for e 3rd time... or playing russian roulette wif my ammo (like u relli tot id do such a stupid thing- i did actually... lest i didnt point it at myself la!)... wahaha. i need a 'life'.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

wah, so sad... wah, so sad.

3/23/2006 01:44:00 pm

no matter wat i do, i cant seem 2 get rid of tt thin layer of fat blanketing my abs. damn. i mean im practically 0% fat elsewhere... y izzit so hard 2 lose my gut? upset sia. boo-hoo.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

god kill e queen

3/19/2006 09:47:00 am

i met the queen... la la la... i met the queen. she was like a feet away 4rm me... even cld smell wat she had 4 dinner... bbq lamb n soufle. wahaha. big deal! notz! waste of my time ah. why does she need so much security? n on a friday night summore. damnit. wahaha.

oh, shes damn fat ah... and tt cyan-jade dress, well, doesnt do anutin for her. hahaz. on e other hand, her tiara is like super big ah... but e shine had faded... or izzit coz her hair is white den it didnt reflect much? hmm... i lost myself there. hahakz. ok 4get it.