this area is so dark,
you can't see what's in it.

June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
August 2006
September 2006
December 2006
February 2007
April 2007
June 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
May 2008
June 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
September 2010

i don't have friends.

dear you, i spilled my heart out for you to read.
handle it with care. love, me.

8/29/2004 08:54:00 pm

little boy that is me

8/29/2004 03:15:00 am

Tears run down his face,
that smile is fading away,
what happened to the happy boy,
that i saw the other day?

His eyes revealed deep pain,
pain that he tried to hide,
he feels so ashamed,
of the times he had lied.

he seems to gaze off,
into his own little place,
his thoughts are so deep,
yet they never show on his face.

This boy has so much to say,
so many thoughts to share,
he tries to open up,
but the words just aren't there.

This boy really needs help,
he needs someone to talk to,
he's scared he will hurt himself,
he's not sure what to do.

he's looking at his reflection,
The reflection is of me,
This isnt the person,
That i want to be.

Friday, August 27, 2004

27.08.04

8/27/2004 03:05:00 am

the weekend is near. means i got lotsa catchin up to do in terms of studying and homework. haha. yet i was playin badminton and table tennis at the hall till 6 plus. haha. mr koh was there. haha. he not bad sia. tink singapore wld haf won a medal had he played in e olympics. eh? y m i praising him? i sound like owyong. haha. speakin bout those 2, heard frm chee chang tt sum1 tipped off mr koh bout the bogus friendster accounts. ya. seems tt mr koh has already alerted e police. so uh, yea. get out of tt account.

oh aniway, damn, table tennis is harder than it looks. sheesh. mr seah trashed all of us in straight sets. sial ar. act like pro. oni kennard was a little match 4 him. ya. after he sian, we continued e doubles games. den play who-make-more-mistakes-muz-buy-drinks stipulation. and, haiz. i lost la. bloody hell... purposely hit e ball at me oni. ofcourse i lose la. ass.

26.08.04

8/27/2004 12:07:00 am

as i type this, my mind is occupied with other things. firstly, y in the hell m i online so late. ive got a geog test 2morrow. 2ndly. i shld change my t-shirt- got a huge coffee stain on it. damn. im not even a coffee person. y m i drinkin it? bahz, need to concentrate. need 2 study. always tell myself...if i retain, e class im goin 2 join, well, the students have an identity crisis. yea. poseurs wif fake slangs. bleaugh. eeek. haaack even. hahaz.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

its in you

8/24/2004 02:43:00 pm

when your life is but a memory
and all your hope's at stake
you can't ask for forgivness
for all the mistakes that you make.

when you start running
but it slows down to a crawl
your world starts spinning
your fate's writen on the wall

you can't see the outside
though the walls' made of glass
try looking deep inside
and you'll find the answer at last

let them see you in your ignorance
and they will understand.
they will give you one more chance
and will turn over time's sand.

gothic poem

8/24/2004 02:37:00 pm

A thousand years time dimension,
In subconscious incarceration.
My hatred to man, has transformed me.
Into a habitation for demons.
A devil incarnation.
Dark was the day i was born,
Even darker on that eve I were to be torn.
To die in martyrium,
For darkness endless mysterium.
To die in silent spasms of screaming.
My life is infected by no meaning.

*goths rule!!

Monday, August 23, 2004

23.08.04

8/23/2004 12:10:00 pm

ahh. dammit. my wrist hurts. aww mann!! ziqin hit me wif e badminton racquet juz now. sial ar. pain sial! hmm. i gotta do lotsa studying today. heez. muz motivate my self on! yes! i can do it.

ok. im freaking myself out. better stop blabbering.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

21.08.04

8/21/2004 11:17:00 pm

man. im relli cracking up. i mean, sometins relli wrong wif me... i actually went shopping wif my bro today!! my brother!! of all people. gawd. haha. but muz admit. was kinda fun goin arnd town findin some shoes. well, tt bugger wanted nike air-force shoes. wth la. but in ani case, i tagged along coz i was too stressed

(ha! me stressed?! noooo!!)

had 2 do lotsa essays la.

wen i got back, sat down 2 do me work. but was disturbed by some prankster who kept msgin me n callin me. ha! fancy tt. muz b a gay or wth?! aniway, i played along. haha. kinda fun. tink im e prankster now. lol. or is the last laugh not laughed yet. err... u get wad i mean.

Friday, August 20, 2004

20.08.04

8/20/2004 09:22:00 pm

haha. today. a damn funny day. lessons were funny. esp ms lim's tutorial. haha. she kept making e same boo-boo. lol.

after skool, sat at canteen talkin rot. haha. even more laffter. geeze. hope no sadness follows tis tho. oh ya, lance came 2 skool 2dy. long time nvr c tt ass. haha.

hmm.. as ya can c, im not writing as much as i use to. well, tts coz i like no mood 2 write la. pushing myself 2 do 4 essays by tonight. haha. impossible is nothing. bahz

Monday, August 16, 2004

random

8/16/2004 02:08:00 pm

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.
haha. wth? that was fun.

Friday, August 13, 2004

13.08.04

8/13/2004 02:43:00 am

bloody bitch la. oh, im referin to tis lady at skool who was there durin e night study tingy. fuck her man (uh, come 2 tink bout it, 4get i said tt). i mean, since e staff toilet was locked, me n fariq went to e pe porch toilet. on our way there, she stopped us. said tt tt place was out of bounds. ok, fine. den she started askin lame questions.
"what r u stayin in skool for?"
like duh?! hello??... (o god. i sound so girly. bahzz.)
pissed la, i was. den fariq said "stay in skool 2 play soccer. see the ball? ya n we play poker and dai dee as well." in a jokin manner.
hm.. for some reason, i tink she wasnt amused
told us to write our name down. bla bla bla... she even followed us back n eyed where we were goin. like she tot we wld make a u-turn n go 2 e toilet aniway. wat ever la. like i wanna bump into u again. tink i born yesterday ah? (oh wait, i was born yesterday... at 0243hrs, exactly 18 yrs and 1 day ago.)

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

11.08.04

8/11/2004 11:32:00 pm

haha. today damn funny. i mean it. laffin like hell. tink i got some kinda mary-engitis. lol. dunno la. felt like in a super crappy mood 2dy. n e highlight? made kai, zamir n fariq believe tt i got arrested 4 shoplifting at bp. ha! yea rite. im such a good boy. but seriuzly, didnt meant it 2 b a joke. juz said it 4 fun. geeze, they believed me n came runnin out. wow. tt made me tink. wow. wat great friends i haf. yea. almost cried la..

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

09.08.04

8/10/2004 01:29:00 am

national day. the day i get to stay at home n watch tv all day. well, tts wat i planned 2 do tis yr as well. until i read e papers. 'fireworks will explode 400m above the stadium'... yea. tt line made me ponder a while. u c, i haf this uncle, stays on e 21st floor somewhere in sembawang. the view is unmatchable. u can c e sunrise, changi airport (n tru a pair of binoculars, even c planes takin off n landin!). well, i figured i wld b able 2 c e fireworks. haha. lame. i noe. but then again, e guys buay our plan 'a' - to go 2 e stadium itself. haha. i was right. cld actually c e fireworks. awestruck, i was. yea. wat a sight. lol.
after tt i slack there 4 a while b4 goin home. had 2 much work 2 do ar home la. lol. e 187 damn empty, journey was damn fast. oh yea, i saw this chio girl. actually, 1st time 1 saw a person who loked good wif braces on. i mean she didnt look goofy. ha. i tot 2 myself, empty bus. pretty girl. hey! no dirty thoughts. lol. no la. n then, sometin happened. no, she didnt turn into a pontianak (altho she was wearin white n had long hair.. uhoh.) ...she said hi. haha. i was taken aback... the thot tt she was a pontianak relli did seem possible. but wth?! so yea. e journey wasnt tt borin after all. n i made a new friend... dead or alive... wth?! ok im crazy, need sleep. bahz.

Friday, August 06, 2004

06.08.04

8/06/2004 06:26:00 pm

2dy went 2 watch the village at west mall wif e guys n qifeng. e movie was kinda ok, i guess. made me fall off my seat. last movie tt did tt was scream 3. lol.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

04.08.2004

8/04/2004 10:11:00 pm

haiz. today got scolded by ms mandy. relli feel bad coz shes me fav teacher. relli muz haf disappointed her. well, i dunno ar, i relli 4got abt e work. i even msg zamir say no special work 4 mandy lesson! haiz. now coz of us, no more grp work 4 ever. haiz. guys (03A4) relli sorry ah. our fault u all oso got scolded n suffered. relli sorry guys.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

01.08.2004

8/01/2004 08:55:00 am

august ready ar?!! last day 2 haf fun lo. lol. in e mornin, i was shavin myself wen i accidentally went over a pimple (i guess). e pain was somewat sharp. it made me jump n i cut off a part of my eyebrow. haha. looked damn ugly so i shaved off summore to make it look cooler. hmm.. wonder if my buspass will get confiscated 2morrow? lol. supposed 2 meet e guys at 7.45 at 179 bus stop. but i leave e hse at 7.50. lol. e trip to ntu niosy as usual. laffin like hell. lol. my bag so bulky.. lucky e bus was empty. wen reach there.. realise yong chen team haven arrive. damn pissed. haha. lol.
so i started off as left-back. ok ar, fazal got pass me a few times but overall not bad. closed him down well. den i oso keep goin up every attack. kaoz. damn tired sial. i was wearin street soccer boots so was a bit slippery. almost collided into kennard. haha. i remember i made a superb through-cross to bao long. every1 say superb cross. hahah. flattered sia. lol. den im scored e chio goal. 1-0 at half time. 2nd half i sub zamir 4 a while.. damn. wen i didnt play, e other team equalised. fazal freekick.. kok wee headed into e net. own goal.
later i enterd e game as a striker! lol. 2 shots on goal. 1 was a dissmal effort. e other, well, it hit e upright. sigh. haha. den i almost collided into desmond. haha. poh sheng had a shot on goal. looked like a certain goal lo. every1 celebratin. skali e keeper stick his foot out n saved it. nabei!
e match ended 1-1 la.
on e way back e guys played a trick on zamir. lol. hid his slipper. lol. shld haf seen his face. desperately searchin 4 his lost slipper while e bus was movin. lol.